I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
