clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
