boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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