Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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