I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Michael Bay diarrhea
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
