Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize
