Who did Billy Mays play for?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
