I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think i peed on brittanys purse
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
