the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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