I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
