Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
