The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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