Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
