is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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