alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
