saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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