fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
