Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Randomize