I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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