just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
