so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
