i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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