if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
