I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
