So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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