She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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