dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
