Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
