if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
