did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
