thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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