Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
