he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's never too late to be topless.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
