my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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