remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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