Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
