you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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