Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
