I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
