they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
