i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
