I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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