My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
