Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
