I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
