i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
