She's JV to your varsity
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
