You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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