You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
