we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
