Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
