hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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