Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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