We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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