I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize