I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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