Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
false alarm, still single
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
