god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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