dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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