i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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