ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The ass gains better be worth it
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