I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
