Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
ugly people sure do ruin things
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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