i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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