Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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