4 words: hood of his car
home. puking in laundry basket.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
