OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
