The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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