Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
