my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found your dick twin last night
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
