If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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