I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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