Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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